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Monday, November 29, 2010

Is "Instant Apron" an Oxymoron???

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I saw an infomercial for an "instant apron" the other day.

Something just seems soooo wrong about putting instant and apron in the same thought sequence.


First of all, this modern marvel apron is made from some sort of plastic-esque material. It can be "wiped" clean. I thought it looked like oil cloth. If you young whipper-snappers don't know what oil cloth is, be thankful. I don't know about you - - - but on the rare occasions I wear an apron, I DON'T want to be covered from boobs past butt in a garbage bag. Even a leopard skin garbage bag. Oh yes, they offer one.

Secondly, the commercial made a huge deal about how difficult TRADITIONAL aprons are to get over the head. Really? Well, maybe if you are using a child's apron and have a head the size of a beach ball. There was concern expressed about messing up your gorgeous new hair-do putting on a traditional apron. Uh, ya-a-a-a-a-h - - I ALWAYS make sure my hair is perfectly coiffed BEFORE I step foot in the kitchen.

Then the commercial discusses the difficulties of TYING a traditional apron. Well, since kindergarten tying hasn't been an issue for me. Maybe as I get old and stiff it will become more difficult to tie behind my back, but then I'll just twist the ties to the front and tie them there. OR - - - novel idea this - - - maybe I'll get Fisherhubby to tie them FOR me. I certainly don't want a "plastic head band thingy" clamping around my waist.

Anyway, if you own one of these modern marvels and are madly in love with it - - - far be it from me to discourage you from using it.

But as for me at my house, if I want to put on an apron, it has to be made of soft, fine count, calico fabric.

Or gingham.

Or - - - better yet - - - a little white flouncy ruffled thing that I can wear over my fishnet stockings and ultra short black mini skirt.

And when you buy THAT story - - - I've got a lovely piece of "waterfront" property I want to sell you in the Bayou.

(photo credit: instantapron.com)
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17 comments:

~~Carol~~ said...

Oh, I do love me a good infomercial! I'll find myself sitting through the whole thing, even if it's a half hour long, and by the end I'm thinking "How stupid, no one's going to buy that!". When in fact I'm the stupid one for sitting there watching the dumb thing! How's things in Wisconsin, my Badger friend?

Tricia said...

Lol! "Head the size of a beach ball"!! Tee hee! I think I will be just fine without the instant apron.

podso said...

Very funny post ... and I agree with you. I'm an apron wearer and just found some waist-down-only ones that my mom used to wear.

Furthermore, if you need an apron for your cooking, as you alluded to, there is nothing instant about what you are making. :-)

Ann in the UP said...

I am in stitches! And you know how hard it is to make ME laugh!

Speaking of infomercials, I love the one about the leftovers storage items, which show the hapless housewife trying to cram spaghetti for 50 into a leftover container. Or how about the people who begin their mopping with "cold dirty" water.

Shows me what they think of our intelligence.

mrsmomma said...

Oh my great goodness...how does it attach cause that poor girl looks slightly like they fresh-sealed her into it. Other than that, I have to say I don't know many who even wear aprons anymore. Perhaps common day appliances like mixers and paper towels and such things keep all that messy stuff off you when you're baking 7 loaves of your famous raisin bread for little Billy's sunday school Christmas party. But I believe if I were going to use an apron I'd pick something to go with my 1950's polka dot dress. Wouldn't want to mess my dress before my husband got home.

Whimsey Creations said...

Why honey my hair is ALWAYS perfectly coiffed before I go in the kitchen to cook. LOLOLOL Looks kind of like a full out lobster bib doesn't it? YUCK. I'm with you on the soft cotton calico. I do have one hanging in my kitchen but rarely remember to put it on until I've already gotten something on my clothes (and perfectly coiffed hair). LOL

Jan said...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....I'm cryin'!!!!

Don't you love that the new generation has found a way to make old stuff NEW!???!!???!!!! Aprons are back in style again, but I never stopped wearing one when I'm baking or making something especially icky. They saved many a t-shirt! And yes, I can still tie behind my back.
Oh, by the way, our local fabric store now carries oil cloth by the yard. I bought some in black with cherries on it to make a garbage bag for my car. The ONLY purpose it should have!
My grandmother had tablecloths made from oilcloth....but that was in the '50's. She hid cards under it and 'cheated' by pulling one out to play bridge with. I caught her once and she wasn't happy with me.!!!!
Hugs,
Jan

Theresa said...

Oh YOU entertain me with your stories! I took out an apron today that I will be wearing during Christmas... cotton! NO cheesecloth apron here:) Enjoy your evening my friend! HUGS!

Martin LaBar said...

Oh, well. Another product hoping that a need for it will appear and grow.

Dawn said...

"Boobs past Butt in a garbage bag! Love it!

Cindy (Applestone Cottage) said...

Your so funny Keetha!
Oh, the things that people will buy!
Geez, why can't I think of something that clever! hehe.
Where's our snow?
I am so ready!
Hugs,
Cindy

Tonja said...

Infomercials....love to hate 'em! Sometimes I will watch one and when it is over I am so mad at myself for watching a 30 min. commercial. They do make them enticing don't they. Haven't seen the apron one yet. BUT, I do not want plastic around me either. I'll be looking for it.

Raise Them Up said...

Too funny! Seriously. What are people thinking--the ones who come up with this stuff?? :)

Kirby3131 said...

I havent' seen this one! I'll have to go watch the infomercial online - I'm sure there is one. My new favorite one is for the egg cracker, because we all know how hard it is to crack an egg!

Where's that Bayou property located??

teehee!
Kristin - The Goat

Janet, said...

I can't imagine wearing an apron like that. I don't think I would have watched that infomercial for very long. I love the old fashioned aprons and have a big collection of vintage ones. They are so pretty! And, I have never had any trouble putting one on or tying them :)

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Like we are not already hot enough in the kitchen, I would go into flames in oil cloth! I agree, since when was it hard to get an apron over your head!

Erin said...

Oh my stars! What will they think of next?