But first, a disclaimer.
I THOUGHT I had surely already posted this story on my blog, but if I did I can't FIND it anywhere, so I'm posting it now.
If I DID post it before, and if you are a regular here, and if a few words in you say to yourself, "Silly girl, you ALREADY told me this" then just shake your head at my veritable foolishness and click away to another blog, k?
Now, on with the tale:
The Most Classic, Grandaddy, "Fisherhubby Tricks Keetha"
Story of Them All!
Once upon a time, in the early days of our marriage - - - shoot what am I SAYING, in the first 30 or so years of our marriage - - - we did not watch nor pay any attention whatsoever to football.
I know, I know - - - my bloggy regulars are sitting up in SHOCK and saying, "What, YOU, the college football queen, didn't pay attention to football????" But alas and alack 'tis true, and my children can attest thereunto.
The REASON for this negligence on my part was that while Fisherhubby SAYS he likes football, he really does not. He can gladly go weeks and weeks with nary a football watching experience to his name. Why, on Saturdays during College Football Season (yes, in caps) when I am contentedly watching football from noon to midnight he FREQUENTLY begs me to change the channel to fishing shows.
Anyway, because Fisherhubby did not gravitate to watching football, somehow we just never started watching it together. I don't know HOW it happened, but I never thought of watching it without him either.
For 30 long years I was in football drought.
Now, this is NOT an excuse for I realize there is NO EXCUSE for me in this tale, nor in many another either. BUT, when last I had paid attention to football the ONLY lines on the field were the ones that make up the gridiron and they were either put down with chalk or "built into" the astro turf.
HOWEVER, I noticed right away that some CHANGES had happened to the gridiron in my time away.
For ONE thing - - - there was a GLARING yellow first down line. Miraculously, that line MOVED as the downs changed. "Woah!" thought I, "This makes it A LOT easier to find the first down!"
That thought was immediately followed by, "Hmmmmm, I wonder how they GET that line down and back up so quickly."
Now HERE'S where I made my FIRST fatal flaw.
"What yellow line?" says he, "You mean the first down line?"
"Yep, how do they do it?"
Now, this was like saying "sick 'em" to a bulldog, he was off an running - - -
"You see, Keetha, they have a man with a little chalk laying machine and he runs across the field and puts down the yellow line."
"Yes, I KNOW THAT," I said, "But how do they get it all up to put it down again SO FAST?"
"That man has another machine, sort of like a vacuum that sucks it right back up again. They do it during the commercials, so you've probably never noticed before."
Oh yes he did. He said that to me.
And I hate to admit it - - - but I BOUGHT IT HOOK LINE AND SINKER!!! But he wasn't finished:
"I'll watch before and after commercials and see if I can point him out to you." says he.
And he did.
After nearly every commercial he'd say, "Keetha, LOOK! Oh, you weren't quick enough - - - you just missed him."
For the NEXT TWO WEEKS.
Charlie was sitting directly across the table from me and Fisherhubby was sitting on my right.
Suddenly in the middle of the meal, and for no apparent reason other than a Colts game was on the TV in the Applebees where we were, I said: "Charlie, isn't it amazing how they put that yellow first down line on the football field and get it up again during the commercials!?"
Unbeknownst to me, Fisherhubby was leaning behind me frantically signaling Charlie to play along. I never even noticed the incredulous look on Charlie's face when he responded that it WAS indeed amazing.
There ensued a whole conversation about how the "little man with his little machine" came out during commercials to put the line down and take it back up again.
I do not reveal this "literal" trait about myself with any pride. It is my greatest stumbling block, ESPECIALLY when married to a "user and abuser" (of this trait) like Fishserhubby.
How Charlie kept a straight face through that meal I know not. But oh my friends - - - he DID. He never once let on to me that I was believing sheer Fishserhubby created nonsense.
"Pam," I said, "Isn't it AMAZING how they put down and take up that yellow first down line so quickly?"
Fisherhubby couldn't head HER off at the pass over the phone.
"Keetha, what are you talking about?" says she.
"You know - - - the yellow first down marker. Isn't it amazing how that guy with a little machine puts it down and takes it back up again during the commercials."
Long Dead Silence
"Keetha, you idiot! THAT'S COMPUTER GENERATED!" she says, laughing hysterically at me over the phone.
I don't blame her.
I am a COMPLETE idiot!
I've been laughing hysterically at MYSELF about it ever since. In fact, I can't even TYPE this TALE without laughter tears streaming down my face.
I only wish I could tell it to you live and in person.
It's a good thing, if I cried I'd dehydrate.
Photo Credit: Colts game first down line by scienceline.org
This is one of my FAVORITE Dad stories. :)
You're a great sport, Mom. We wouldn't pick on you if we didn't love you.
And I am finding it VERY hard to believe Aunt Pam called you an IDIOT!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHA!!! That's just tooo good! I feel like that is something my good ole dad or husband would do.
Loved that story -- and if you are a dork then so am I. But YOU? You're one of the sweetest dorks I know.
Your right, I am shocked. I thought football has always been your pleasure. I am a very gullible person too but I don't think that I would have believed that one! LOL....
You are definitely one of a kind. Loved hearing the tale of the yellow line. School teachers should know better than that.
ROTFL!!! I would love to hear this story in person or maybe you can video yourself telling it. I can't wait to show my hubby this story!! As always, hilarious!!
Keri - when I first heard your mother tell this story, and she came to the part where I called her an idiot, I gasped and denied it because I truly don't remember saying that BUT if ever it was warranted...! Over the years, as I have enjoyed hearing your mom tell the story, I have embraced the fact that I was brazen enough to do so!
Hilarious! I hadn't read this before! Now I am laughing my head off.
I remember, when I was about eight years old, my cousin, who was six years older, and I had a friendly fight. I punched his arm. And do you know what he did? Stuck his arm out and turned it as if to show his elbow - in the process, his tricep would bulge. And he would say it got swollen because I punched him. And threaten to tell his dad. Now we were all terrified of his dad, who was really quite a sweety as I realized as I grew up. So...whenever we had a skirmish, he would just turn his arm and show me, no words spoken - and I would be quietly threatened. Hehehe. Until my cousin sis debunked that myth for me.
Hugs! Loved the story!
You have to be forgiven any gullible tendency by your sheer ability to believe ANYTHING AT ALL that FH says!
And your ability to laugh at yourself is unparalleled! Truly! And you have all of us to laugh With You and not At You.
Keep on smiling. And Happy Birthday!
I, too, am as gullible as the day is long. And although I'm not a football fan, DH is (although not as diehard as you, my friend). I remember when I saw the moving first down line, I asked DH ... thankfully he's not a gullibility user and abuser like your Fisherhubby so he explained it to me. Whew!
My husband is still asleep, but while reading this I wanted to get up and smack him on the butt or something because this is the type of thing he does to me. All. The. Time. And I believe him!!!!
I'm working on what might be a post tomorrow about something similar that happened.
This is hilarious! I had to read it aloud to Lyle, who got the biggest kick out of it, because, yes, he tries to pull stuff like this on me all the time! I don't *usually* fall for it, probably because if I do, he almost immediately starts cracking up. No way could he have dragged it out for two weeks!
I cannot claim that I would have known any better, but that is the funniest thing! And that he got Charlie to go along with him! Too funny!
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